Yesterday I watched E! Channel..The slot is about 10 most shocking hollywood's mental illness.. xingat la tajuk dia apa...tp lebih kurang camtu la.. mcm2 dia revealed.. yg plg aku interested psl Gwyneth Palthrow vs her postpartum depression + Brooke Shield vs her postpartum psychosis..
Want to know why i was pulled to these matters??? The answer is simple; I suffered the same illness.... *sigh*...I know it's not a proud thing to share with..instead, it's an embarassing stuff.. but i guess it's time to talk, to share with others...
sebelum bersalin dulu as u all know, aku memang betul2 stress psl problem kandungan aku yg last minute baru discover tu..the problem? breech+oligo+IUGR....*sigh*...at first tahu tu aku nangis semahunye..ye la..selama 7months tu xde problem pon, all smooth je..tup2 dpt tahu air ketuban aku sikit..bukan masalah leaking...tp mmg dari awal kot...sbb baby xpusing2 semenjak scan masa 5bln preggy tuh..
pendekkan cerita, after nearly 3weeks warded, i had to go for caeserian operation.. masa tuh 35+3 weeks of pregnancy...sket je lagi kan nak tggu cukup 36weeks tuh..tp sebab ketuban aku dah sampai ke tahap 3. something, doc tak mau tggu lagi. ikutkan adam ok, heartbeat semua cun.. tp doc xmau amik risiko takut baby lemas...so, lahirlah dia...
Mula2 bersalin aku xde masalah lagi since the baby was in neonatal care unit..8days after born, adam dpt TPN infection..aku dpt call dari hospital dia ckp, "sila dtg segera,baby awak nazak" *silent*.......bygkan perasaan aku time tu...aku takut sgt2 xsempat sampai..masa aku sampai tuh doc panggil nak explain..mak aku xbagi masuk..aku dpt agak dah...so aku dok dekat adam.. doc suh aku bg moral support kat dia...doc suh cakap ngan dia...sentuh dia..belai dia..yg aku ingat, sambil nangis tuh aku cakap,"Mommy tau adam kuat, adam kena lawan..mommy beli byk baju kat adam...kuat ye syg...baru cpt boley blk rumah.."aku xtau berapa kali aku ulang yg sama...dia celik sekejap...lemah...aku tgk habis lengan dia gangrene.. dia kaku jek...
Lepas infection tuh, doc suh aku kerap dtg jumpa adam..sebab adam boley dgr,dia tahu mommy dia dtg ckp dgn dia...ingat sekali aku mcm org gila masa tuh, ckp sorg2...(masa aku ckp dgn dia la) nasib baik hubby ada bg support..pagi petang kitorg gi urut adam..Alhamdulillah, dgn kuasa Allah Adam recover...Docs were so impressed with him..5 babies yg kena infection tuh cuma 2 je yg survived...which is Adam dgn sorg lagi...I'm so thankful!! Syukur sgt2...xtau cane aku skang kalu dia xpjg umo...
after 40 days warded, Adam bole discaj.masa tuh dia 1.7+kg je...so tiny kan..masa tu jgk la depression aku bermula...
selama nih aku xpernah jaga baby..aku xde adik...anak sedara pon xde..so that was my 1st experience la.1st time berjaga mlm, aku dpt gastrik yg teruk...muntah all day..minum air pon muntah..i cannot take care of Adam..Masa tuh hubby xkeje lagi..dia la yg tolong.. mak aku pon asyik kena ambik leave je..memang embarassing la..aku time tu xleh nak urus diri sendiri.. asyik nangis je.. rasa org xsyg la, rasa sedih yg xtau apa2 sebab la, rasa xnak kat anak la.. sometimes, bila ingat2 balik... camtu la kot yg org kata meroyan (nauzubillah)...aku xtau lagi illness yg aku alami tu apa... bila lama2, tgk tv, baca mag, barulah aku tahu apa yg aku alami tu sebenarnya dinamakan pospartum depression + ada sikit psikosis...tp xla sampai aku cederakan Adam.. nauzubillah...bila tgk E! kmarin tuh buatkan aku rasa oh sebenarnya bukan aku sorg alami benda tu..(just like what both Brooke Shield n Gwyneth said)...Alhamdulillah, sekarang aku dah okay.. semenjak aku moved to penang nih, i learned to be more independant la.. I'm a good mother now..
That taught me a lesson..Fobia n trauma pun ada bila terfikir nak pregnant lagi..takut jadi mcm aritu la..itupun nasib baik cured sendiri..kalu aku xkontrol perasaan aku dulu ntah skarang kat wad jiwa kot..serius..trauma,trauma utk pregnant lagi...
(1) takut next pregnancy problem oligo lagi
(2)takut kena lalui episod ulang-alik tgk anak suffer dlm incubator lagi
(3)takut postnatal depression lagi
tapi adam sorg je bole ke???????hurrmmm.....
Want to know why i was pulled to these matters??? The answer is simple; I suffered the same illness.... *sigh*...I know it's not a proud thing to share with..instead, it's an embarassing stuff.. but i guess it's time to talk, to share with others...
sebelum bersalin dulu as u all know, aku memang betul2 stress psl problem kandungan aku yg last minute baru discover tu..the problem? breech+oligo+IUGR....*sigh*...at first tahu tu aku nangis semahunye..ye la..selama 7months tu xde problem pon, all smooth je..tup2 dpt tahu air ketuban aku sikit..bukan masalah leaking...tp mmg dari awal kot...sbb baby xpusing2 semenjak scan masa 5bln preggy tuh..
pendekkan cerita, after nearly 3weeks warded, i had to go for caeserian operation.. masa tuh 35+3 weeks of pregnancy...sket je lagi kan nak tggu cukup 36weeks tuh..tp sebab ketuban aku dah sampai ke tahap 3. something, doc tak mau tggu lagi. ikutkan adam ok, heartbeat semua cun.. tp doc xmau amik risiko takut baby lemas...so, lahirlah dia...
Mula2 bersalin aku xde masalah lagi since the baby was in neonatal care unit..8days after born, adam dpt TPN infection..aku dpt call dari hospital dia ckp, "sila dtg segera,baby awak nazak" *silent*.......bygkan perasaan aku time tu...aku takut sgt2 xsempat sampai..masa aku sampai tuh doc panggil nak explain..mak aku xbagi masuk..aku dpt agak dah...so aku dok dekat adam.. doc suh aku bg moral support kat dia...doc suh cakap ngan dia...sentuh dia..belai dia..yg aku ingat, sambil nangis tuh aku cakap,"Mommy tau adam kuat, adam kena lawan..mommy beli byk baju kat adam...kuat ye syg...baru cpt boley blk rumah.."aku xtau berapa kali aku ulang yg sama...dia celik sekejap...lemah...aku tgk habis lengan dia gangrene.. dia kaku jek...
Lepas infection tuh, doc suh aku kerap dtg jumpa adam..sebab adam boley dgr,dia tahu mommy dia dtg ckp dgn dia...ingat sekali aku mcm org gila masa tuh, ckp sorg2...(masa aku ckp dgn dia la) nasib baik hubby ada bg support..pagi petang kitorg gi urut adam..Alhamdulillah, dgn kuasa Allah Adam recover...Docs were so impressed with him..5 babies yg kena infection tuh cuma 2 je yg survived...which is Adam dgn sorg lagi...I'm so thankful!! Syukur sgt2...xtau cane aku skang kalu dia xpjg umo...
after 40 days warded, Adam bole discaj.masa tuh dia 1.7+kg je...so tiny kan..masa tu jgk la depression aku bermula...
selama nih aku xpernah jaga baby..aku xde adik...anak sedara pon xde..so that was my 1st experience la.1st time berjaga mlm, aku dpt gastrik yg teruk...muntah all day..minum air pon muntah..i cannot take care of Adam..Masa tuh hubby xkeje lagi..dia la yg tolong.. mak aku pon asyik kena ambik leave je..memang embarassing la..aku time tu xleh nak urus diri sendiri.. asyik nangis je.. rasa org xsyg la, rasa sedih yg xtau apa2 sebab la, rasa xnak kat anak la.. sometimes, bila ingat2 balik... camtu la kot yg org kata meroyan (nauzubillah)...aku xtau lagi illness yg aku alami tu apa... bila lama2, tgk tv, baca mag, barulah aku tahu apa yg aku alami tu sebenarnya dinamakan pospartum depression + ada sikit psikosis...tp xla sampai aku cederakan Adam.. nauzubillah...bila tgk E! kmarin tuh buatkan aku rasa oh sebenarnya bukan aku sorg alami benda tu..(just like what both Brooke Shield n Gwyneth said)...Alhamdulillah, sekarang aku dah okay.. semenjak aku moved to penang nih, i learned to be more independant la.. I'm a good mother now..
That taught me a lesson..Fobia n trauma pun ada bila terfikir nak pregnant lagi..takut jadi mcm aritu la..itupun nasib baik cured sendiri..kalu aku xkontrol perasaan aku dulu ntah skarang kat wad jiwa kot..serius..trauma,trauma utk pregnant lagi...
(1) takut next pregnancy problem oligo lagi
(2)takut kena lalui episod ulang-alik tgk anak suffer dlm incubator lagi
(3)takut postnatal depression lagi
tapi adam sorg je bole ke???????hurrmmm.....
2 comments:
oh...so sad reading this entry...erm...besar dugaan ko teh...aku haris baru kena warded 3 days due to jaundice pun ake dah menagis...sebab..masa tu fauzan dah nak balik uk...so time sgt limited antara kami bertiga..bila dia masuk ward...lagi sedih coz fikirkan fauzan tak leh lama2 ngan baby....but yours..lagi sedih lah teh...won't blame u if u felt that way...we are human man!!!...full with emotion...but Alhamdullillah..everything is fine now...and i'm sure u feel so ease now...coz...it's what Allah promise us...after hardship will always come ease...kite akan rasa ease bila fikir yg sekarang tak seteruk dulu...ya...that will make us feel better...
InsyaAllah..for second baby...Allah will make it easy on u....definitely u will become more cautions...coz u have the experiance..and this will give u the advantage teh...i bet u'll have more questions to the doctor...hehehe..
whatever it is teh...u have things that others do not have...Precious heh!...so treasure it...nice 4 u to share this entry...
take care...kiss adam for me!!
ya those were really bad time for you.But u r so strong and could made it.Alhamdullilah see Adam now..he's so cheeky hehhee.Hope 1 day adam can read this and appreciate you for being a great mother to him.Insyallah the next will be a lot easier for you..as u r much much stronger person now.
-kakak-
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